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I Prefer The Seven Nation Army

Every December the Salvation Army mails me at least a half-dozen solicitations for a financial donation. Every year I write on the envelopes “RETURN TO SENDER. I DON’T CONDONE BIGOTRY,” and yet they continue to ask for my money.

Perhaps you’ve heard that the Salvation Army has a history of homophobia. Google “Salvation Army homophobia” and read about people allegedly turned away by the charity due to their perceived sexual orientation or gender identity, people allegedly fired from the organization for their sexual orientation, efforts made by the Army to keep LGBT people from having the same rights as their non-LGBT neighbors, allegations of a hostile work environment, their efforts to not be subject to anti-discrimination laws, and bell-ringers refusing donations from people who support LGBT equality. Their explanation has been that they’re a Christian organization, and you know what the Bible says about charity and thy neighbor and minorities in the workplace.

On the surface, the organization appears to have tempered some of their views about LGBT citizens over time. However, there are many organizations that help people in need who have no public record that needs defending. My charitable donations go to them.

So why am I bringing up the Salvation Army today? It’s not because I’m doing my holiday shopping now. Hanukkah doesn’t begin until early December; therefore, Hanukkah shopping doesn’t begin until mid-December.

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Today is Jack White’s fortieth birthday. When he was a child he thought the Salvation Army was called the Seven Nation Army. As an adult, he used “Seven Nation Army” as a song title for his duo The White Stripes.

Here are twenty of Jack White’s finest moments.


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In Which I Send Jack White A Copy Of “Muskrat Love”

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I met Jack White of The White Stripes, The Raconteurs and The Dead Weather at a barbecue a few years ago. He thought it was cool that I worked at Rhino Entertainment. He sold Rhino’s records at the store he had before his career as a musician took off. I told him I’d put together a care package of some Rhino releases for him. He told me he’d feel bad getting them for free. I told him it was fine and a few days later sent to him via his manager a package with a blues box set, the DVD of The Rutles’ made-for-television film All You Need Is Cash and a compilation entitled ‘70s Party Killers that included The Captain & Tennille, Starland Vocal Band and Dawn featuring Tony Orlando, among others. I don’t know if the package ever made it to him. Maybe the manager kept it for himself. Maybe the postal carrier stole it. Who wouldn’t want to own a compilation that featured “Muskrat Love,” “Afternoon Delight” and “Tie a Yellow Ribbon ‘Round the Ole Oak Tree?” Those are the songs I think of when I think of Jack White. I mean that as a high compliment.

Today the tenth child of Teresa and Gorman Gillis, born John Anthony Gillis, turns 39 years old. As was the case with Beck yesterday and Ringo Starr the day before, the White Stripes offerings on Spotify are pretty slim. Nonetheless, I was able to cobble together this playlist of ten fine Jack White performances. I only hope that someday he covers “Muskrat Love.”

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