Travel Deals With Randy Newman And A Czech Hooker

Have I ever told you about the time I accidentally hired a prostitute? If I know you in real life, the answer is probably yes. It’s a good story, one to share each Thanksgiving with the whole family, even Little Timmy. For those with whom I haven’t eaten stuffing, I’ll briefly summarize what happened.

I was looking to book a trip to the Czech Republic. I found an amazing package deal on-line. For $999, I would get a seven night hotel stay, a few meals, plus my own personal tour guide to show me the sights. The site didn’t use the term “tour guide,” though. They said “escort.” My escort would pick me up from the airport, take me to my hotel, and then show me everything. I booked the trip, and after paying found out that the word escort means the same thing there that it does here. So I get a hotel room, some meals, and a hooker for the week, all for $999? What a deal!

I won’t get into all the details now, but suffice to say that after the Czech police shut down the “travel agency,” I had to find other accommodations, my promise of a Czech romance (I use the word romance very loosely) dashed.

In his song “Sail Away,” Randy Newman’s ship captain makes promises to those about to board his ship about what they will find when they arrive at their destination. He tells them of days spent singing, of being fed without having to hunt for the food or worry about dangerous animals. He leaves out the part that the Africans he is addressing will be slaves when they arrive in America.

Today Randy Newman turns 72 years old. Here are twenty of his best.

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