Some of the music we were listening to in 1988, sometimes against our wishes.
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Nineteen eighty eight was, on the US pop music chart, one of those in-between years. The “New Wave” British invasion had greatly subsided and England wasn’t as much of a presence on the charts as it was a few years earlier. Rap was increasing in popularity and hitting the top 40 more frequently, though it was still a far cry from the dominant position it holds today. Of the hip hop song’s on today’s playlist, only two made it onto the Billboard Hot 100 – LL Cool J’s “Goin’ Back to Cali,” which peaked at #31, despite selling a million copies, and Rob Base & D.J. E-Z Rock’s “It Takes Two,” which peaked at #36, despite selling two million copies. Alternative music lived up to its genre name as an alternative to the music on the pop chart, so if you wanted to hear Sonic Youth or The Dead Milkmen or The Primitives, you had to tune into college radio or the stations on the left side of your FM dial. Those artists, alongside U2, R.E.M. and INXS, could be found on Billboard’s Modern Rock chart, which premiered in September of 1988. New Jack Swing tracks from artists such as Keith Sweat remained popular on Black radio and crossed over, while Black artists such as Tracy Chapman and Living Colour failed to make much of an impression on Black radio. So-called Hair Metal was a presence on the pop chart; grunge would help fix that in a few years. Configuration-wise, CDs outsold vinyl LPs for the first time in 1988, though cassettes outsold both.
Here are thirty of 1988’s finest:
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A 20-song Spotify playlist, inspired by the February 6 birthdays of Bob Marley, Guns ‘n Roses’ Axl Rose, Natalie Cole, Jens Lekman, Rick Astley and Dave Berry; and the February 5 birthdays of Bobby Brown, Three Dog Night’s Cory Wells, Barrett Strong and Christopher Guest.
On this week’s Throwback Thursday playlist, we listen to some of the biggest hits from 1988.
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Today is Amelia Earhart’s birthday. She was born on July 24, 1897, and for all we know she is celebrating her 118th birthday with a glass of Chardonnay and a cannoli.
During a 1937 attempt to fly around the world, aviator Earhart disappeared over the Pacific Ocean. Women. Am I right, fellas? Of course not.
Earhart went off the grid before “going off the grid” became part of our everyday vernacular. Maybe not everyday, but our at-least-twice-a-year vernacular.
Sometimes I contemplate going off the grid, but it seems the rewards of doing so are not worth the efforts.
This would have been a good week for me to be off the grid. It started out good. Sunday morning was the fourth and final day of an entrepreneur conference I attended whereat I got educated and motivated and met many cool people with inspiring stories. On my way home I got into a car accident. I’m fortunate I came out unscathed. My car? Not so much.
When I arrived at home I called my insurance company, then set about to make some lunch. I put my food in the microwave and set it on high for six minutes. When the machine beeped the food was still frozen. I know I’m fortunate in that I had a microwave that served me for 17 years, but did it have to die at that moment?
My car got towed to a body shop. They emailed me forms to sign and return. I couldn’t print them, however, as it turns out my printer and microwave were having an affair and the printer decided she could not go on without the microwave in her life. Women. Am I right, fellas?
Feeling a bit depressed about the turn my week/life had taken, I found it difficult to focus on the tasks at hand. Then I saw a videoclip of a colorblind young man who, thanks to new technology, experienced vibrant colors for the first time. His joy in seeing a patch of grass or a container of Clorox put things in perspective.
There is so much beauty in the mundane, and so much that I take for granted for which I should be grateful. My toaster oven, for example.
I have a music consulting business. I love my clients. I love that I can choose with whom I wish to work. I love the projects I’m handling.
I think I’ll stay on the grid for a while.
Friday is dance day at Tunes du Jour. Kicking off this week’s playlist is Stephanie Mills with “Pilot Error.”
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Trivia Question – Who is the only male solo artist whose first eight singles all went top ten in the UK?
Elton John? No. Elvis Presley? No. Cliff Richard? No. It was Rick Astley. In the US many people remember Rick as a one-hit wonder, but that is incorrect. Rick had seven top 40 singles stateside, including five top tens, two of which, “Never Gonna Give You Up” and “Together Forever,” went to #1. He retired from recording in 1993, by which time he had sold around forty million records.
Today Rick turns 49 years old. We kick off our weekly dance party with a largely-forgotten tune of his that went top ten on both sides of the Atlantic.
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25 Things You Don’t Know About Me:
1. I never wear flip-flops in public, except on the beach.
2. The first time I met Chaka Khan, I said to her “You are the ultimate sex goddess of life.” Her mouth said “Thanks.” Her eyes said “SECURITY!!!”
3. I have two eyes and two ears, but only one nose.
4. I can name every letter of the alphabet.
5. I sleep in a bed.
6. I can bench press over 18 pounds.
7. I eat solid food.
8. I’m an American citizen.
9. I know every word to the theme from S.W.A.T.
10. I celebrate my birthday once a year.
11. I’m always listening to music, except when I’m not.
12. I can recite the Pledge of Allegiance by heart.
13. Some of my best friends are gay.
14. I know how to say hello in English.
15. Everyone in my family is a homo sapien.
16. I’ve never met Barack Obama or Millard Fillmore; however, I did meet Jermaine Stewart, the guy who sang “We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off.”
17. I’ll often wear the same jeans two or three times in a given month.
18. I’ve never gotten high, drunk, or a legendary engram.
19. I have no idea what a legendary engram is.
20. I am 5’9½” tall, though I was shorter at the time of my birth.
21. If I’m outside in the rain and I don’t have an umbrella, I usually end up getting wet.
22. I’ve never been pregnant.
23. I’m unable to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
24. I was not in the movies Star Wars, Rear Window or Beethoven 2.
25. I don’t know what a slide rule is for.
Friday is dance day at Tunes du Jour. Our party kicks off with Sade. Sade, the lead singer of Sade, turns 56 today, which reminds me: 26. I once rode in an elevator with Sade, the lead singer of Sade.
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Much has been written about “reparative therapy,” procedures that attempt to turn gay people straight. There is a growing movement to ban the practice. But what about the reverse conversion therapy?
Leading sociologists such as Anita Bryant have long claimed that gay people recruit straight people into the homosexual lifestyle, a way of living that de-emphasizes sports, prayer and vaginas and instead focuses on appearance, hygiene and brunch. Recently de-classified documents show that there may be truth to this.
In 1984, three scientists – Mike Stock, Matt Aitken and Pete Waterman – wanted to see if they can convert millions of heterosexual men to homosexuals. Recognizing that doing this conversion one man at a time would be a time-consuming endeavor, they came up with a way to convert large swaths of men simultaneously. They did this through music.
Their experiment was a smashing success. They produced records that turned any man listening gay and any woman listening to a “fag hag.” Their hits include Dead or Alive’s “You Spin Me Round (Like a Record),” Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” and Bananarama’s “Venus.” Have you ever heard any of these songs? Have you ever had brunch? Coinkidink?
Professor Nicolai Баграмя́н teaches Psychological Environmental Neurological Intertwined Studies at Moscow University. His extensive research brought the effects of Stock, Aitken and Waterman’s work to light. “Many factors contribute toward giving a man a homosexual disposition. An alcoholic parent, attending boarding school, listening to Kylie Minogue sing ‘The Loco-motion.’ Gurl.”
Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” has the power to turn dogs gay.
SAW sold 40 million records. In their home country of the United Kingdom they landed over 100 top 40 singles. If you’re an American and you’ve always wondered why every British man you meet seems gay, now you know why. They are.
The trio’s scientific formula also had an effect on the acts they produced. Kylie Minogue went from Australian soap opera star to gay icon. Samantha Fox went from being a nice teenage girl whose topless photos, taken by her father, appeared in British newspapers to being one-half of a same-sex marriage. Pete Burns of Dead or Alive has yet to be an L, but he has variously been a G, B or T. Divine became more divine.
SAW produced UK top ten hits for such unforgettable performers as Hazell Dean, Princess, Phil Fearon, Pepsi & Shirlie, Sinitta, Jason Donovan, Pat & Mick, and Brother Beyond. Emboldened by their success, in 1989 the trio tried their hand at producing someone talented. The result was Donna Summer’s first US top ten single in six years, “This Time I Know It’s For Real.” America was gayer.
Their work now done, the trio split up their partnership. In 1994, Stock and Aitken reunited for one more experiment – to up the gay factor of Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” This resulted in a worldwide top ten single for the inimitable Nicki French, who went on to perform at Gay Pride events around the globe.
Per Dr. Баграмя́н, during the ten years between 1984 and 1994 Stock, Aitken and Waterman are responsible for making 577.1 million men around the world gay, thus increasing the popularity of mimosas.
The pop charts have been less gay over the last twenty years, due to a variety of factors (lawsuits, government intervention, Hinder). Today Tunes du Jour celebrates the birthday of Mike Stock and salutes his groundbreaking work in gay recruitment. Listen to this playlist of twenty of his records and be transformed. See you Sunday at The Abbey.
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Click here to learn more about reparative therapy.